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My head says "Who cares?"
But then my heart whispers "You do, stupid."

Only memories are left.

I miss us. I miss waking up at 545 in the morning , my only motivation being able to see you guys and talk to you guys.
I miss being there early in the morning with you guys and sitting in a circle and talking. i miss us sitting in lit class wishing mrs neo wouldn't come. I miss us wasting free periods in the library. I miss us queing up for prawn mee and laksa on thursdays. I miss us playing class games. I miss our clan lunches and us sneaking off to macs to slack and talk instead of attending study camp. I miss us laughing like crazy at the canteen table, in the gallery, in the courtyard, in class and wherever we are. Most of all, I just miss us spending times together.

When you were beside me, I took it for granted. Now that you are gone, I regret not treasuring the times we spent together.

Mnet Ultimate Live

Was AWESOME! Six idols made eye contact with me!!! Jinwoon, yoseob, doojoon, lee joon, wooyoung and dongwoon looked at me!!! Ahhh!!! I am super happy!!! The concert was totally worth it!:D lost my voice...but I am super happy!:):):)

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What happened in Korea part 2

What happened in Korea part 1

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Sometimes I wish I could be someone else instead of me. Sigh...

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This week passed by in a blur. First it was end of Os, class party, graduation night, prom and Korea trip. Now back from Korea. Mixed feelings. Made three wishes while in Korea. Hope they come true.

I feel empty inside, like there is a big black hole in my heart, getting bigger everyday.

Graduation.

10 years. So many memories.

I cannot believe that i just graduated when the memory of me entering the school in primary one is still so vivid in my head.
This year, you could say, was the best year. my class really bonded together and we achieved so many things. we made history as the first 4CO class to win the class competition. the teachers all said we were special. i have heard it many times. although we had a few arguments along the way, we still made up and forgave and forgot. we got through Os together too.

This year changed me too. gone through a rough patch this year, but my clan was there, supporting me , every step along the way. i grew closer to people i never believed i would. we all grew closer as a clan... as a class. If you asked me to retake my Os with my 4CO classmates, i really really wouldn't mind doing it all over again.
I wish I could believe there was more time to be together and I have to say that I would do it all again.

cried like shit today... it suddenly hit me that i would be leaving sc forever, after spending a better part of my life in that school. made so many wonderful memories in there that are going to last a lifetime.


As my parents drove out of the school, past the green gates of scgs, I turned back to look at my school for one last time.

but i guess, every end has a new beginning.

You can leave sc, but you can't take the sc out of you.

Freedom!

Os are finally over! but why am I not happy about it?


sigh... been feeling achy all over and having a headache...going to sleep soon.

If I let you go.

I've been fighting to let you go. Some days I make it through with a smile and then there are nights where I just lie on my bed and think of you.


Thought so much about it and realised that its time to let you go. It will be hard but I will be able to make it through.
Goodbyes are hard to say, but I have held on for so long and refused to listen to anyone about letting go. But now I think it's time to let you go.
I feel so cold and alone but this will end soon. The doors are closing, I should move on. One day I will be able to smile and laugh with you again.

Is it time to say goodbye?

I never thought that time would fly by so fast . The Os started and it's going to end soon.

my exams, to be honest, don't think it was really well done. i doubt i will be able to get what I want.

And when I leave, I am going to all my friends(esp. my clan), my teachers and even the school canteen food.

but for now, i am just really scared to see what i will get, i guess cos i didn't put in my 100%. but it is too late now.

why must time fly by so fast? I barely even have time to comprehend it, before it leaves me.

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The memories you have given me are like a a short festival in my life

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I keep hoping, hope against hope, despite knowing it that it is impossible.
I keep hoping, and each time I only get disappointed and hurt.
The reason as to why I am like that? I am scared of getting hurt again.

You guys might ask why I am so emotional. Someone said that I am just more sensitive and I listen to my heart more than my mind. I guess it is true.

Vowed to myself never to do something I would regret, but now it's too late to turn back.


The more I tell myself to forget you, the more I can't.

To you.

Hope you read this. Even if you don't, i just want to get it off my mind. i think something has changed and i know its my fault for not trying hard enough. I know the effort you have put in...so i guess you are not to blame. been trying to forget about you for the past few months but it was unsuccessful. and no matter hard hard i try, ok maybe it wasn't enough, but all the awkwardness and stupid things i have done just come back up and i will feel awkward and avoid. i know its wrong to do that...but i can't help it. and there is so little time left... something has changed... our friendship is not the same anymore...and i feel so useless because i know i just need to be normal but even that i can't do... and all i can say is I am sorry.

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1 more day. can't afford to waste anymore time thinking about other stuff. please mind, stay focused and not let me be distracted.

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cried 3 times today. what next?
if i could hold it in before and not tell anyone, i can do it again.

time passes quickly.

going to miss my clan...alot. It hurts so bad:(

goodbyes make you think.
they make you realize what you've had and what you've taken for granted.

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why the f*** am i crying now, just right before os? arrghhhh! CONCENTRATE.

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Why does it hurt so much when I am with you? When I am not with you, it hurts too. And everything is coming to an end. Don't know whether it's good or bad... When you ask if I am okay, I will reply yes but I don't think you know that I am not. Someone said I would emerge as someone stronger after this. I hope I do.

3 days before os and I am thinking of this. What am I doing?
Don't want to ever let go.
Even if I were hurting badly inside, and you knew, I couldn't tell you why.

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When I think of leaving, it hurts so bad I just want to curl up and die. But leaving you will help me forget.


Things will get better in time.

Is it goodbye?

Time flies by me and I desperately grab at it. It slips out of my fingers, leaving me grasping at nothing.

Suddenly breathing seems so hard to do.

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My head hurts. Ouch.











I can't seem to let you go, no matter what I do.
Gonna stop trying, it's pointless anyway.

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Have been feeling giddy and feel like puking since this morning. Just ate one panadol and going to sleep after lunch. Then wake up and study.


Why am I feeling like this?
Heck with all my feelings.
I hope what you said was not referring to me.

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Must be the stress from everything... Just had a meltdown infront of my mum... Screamed at her for no reason... My throat hurts... Had a breakdown in my room and just started crying... Someone help me... Free me fro
the pain I am feeling...

Picture Perfect memories

This post is dedicated to my clannies(Ariel, Thea, Cel, Ning, Anne, Ruth) :D wanna thank you guys for all the crazy, laughing-till-my-stomach-hurts-and-rolling-on-the-floor moments. Also thank you for all the moments where we will eat a huge amount of food together:) all the food that we have consumed could have fed so many families in Africa! Haha:) and also thank you for all the everyday,simple memories where we are together:) although our time left together is short, I will always treasure all the memories we had created:D LOVE YOU ALL!

Today just ended.

Today was my last official day with 4CO. Took lots of pictures to capture every last moment. Last time in class, last time being together as a class. Click. Click. The camera shutter clicked away, capturing every precious moment. Laughter, joy, tears, sadness all appeared in this class. I never did think this day would come so fast, perhaps it was in my subconscious, but I guess I was just living in denial. How did the time slip through my fingers so quickly? I know I will have to let go one day, but let me cling on to the memories for now.

Tonight

Was an emotionally draining night. First, someone asked me why I have been so emo for the past few weeks. She kept on probing till I broke down and told her. She was the only one who could unlock the part of me that I was trying so hard not to remember. I held on tight, willing myself not to give in but I couldn't take it and I broke down infront of her. Next, someone else said really really hurtful words to me and I just broke down again. Tried to block out her voice but it didn't work again. I must be pretty useless right, for you to say all that to me. Cried so many tears tonight until I can't cry anymore. I am so exhausted.

It hurts.

Tried to forget but the feeling comes and goes. Couldn't say I was trying my very best, but i knew I did at least try. Now, all this trying has got me no where except that our friendship wasnt the way it used be. I really regret ever feeling like that. My Mum says I am not focusing on my studies and I know that. Tried to block everything out. But it didn't work. How I wish I could turn back time and go back to the times where I knew how to smile genuinely.

Walking in the rain

It was raining as I walked to the bus stop after math remedial today. The rain splattered on my face as I thought of how we were. I did not know why this affected so much. Or maybe I knew. People asked me whether I was okay, I said yes. Only one person knew how I really felt. Didn't know how she knew, but she did. Maybe my feelings were of disappointment towards you. Or to myself. I vowed never to be like that again, but I couldn't stop myself. I had disappointed so many people this week. The feeling came and went. It always happened. And when it came, I felt really really disgusted with myself. Knew it was wrong yet I couldn't help it.

I only have a few words to say to you: I am really sorry.

The rain mixed with my tears as I walked on.

100524.

I can't live in denial anymore, the pain is exploding.

4 years, where had the time gone to? All that is left are memories, memories kept forever.
I hope I had made an impact on you.
The year we had spent together, gone by in a flash. I hope you will listen to them and make the best out of your Sec 3 and 4 life. Enjoy it while you still can. Treasure it.

To my dearest platoonmates, thanks for the wonderful memories you have given me. No words can ever describe them. The pain, sweat and tears. I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU.

My wall is crumbling, my tears are flowing.
The regrets.
The joys.
The memories.

Now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life. I bleed.

We did it!!!

CONGRATULATIONS
CO!!! :D

We brought the house down.

LET'S GO!
LET'S FIGHT!
LE'TS WIN,CO!

Good job today for class cheer,CO!
We totally owned!!! :D LOVE YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!! :D
special thanks to ariel, ashley,alex,celine,ruth, thea,sarah and zahrah and whomever i have missed out for making this class cheer possible.

"We were loud", they said.

Congratulations!!!!!!!!

축하합니다 Beast oppas!

Beast HWAITING!

It feels good to walk in the rain

because no one will notice that you are crying.

3 years.
Is it all over? i hope not.
One mistake.
I don't know how to face you now.
I don't think i can ever laugh like before with you.
Memories are playing like a film before my eyes.
I hope nothing has changed.
Is it fate?

I think something has broken. Is it goodbye? I really don't know.

i just found out how hard it is to say goodbye