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I keep hoping, hope against hope, despite knowing it that it is impossible.
I keep hoping, and each time I only get disappointed and hurt.
The reason as to why I am like that? I am scared of getting hurt again.

You guys might ask why I am so emotional. Someone said that I am just more sensitive and I listen to my heart more than my mind. I guess it is true.

Vowed to myself never to do something I would regret, but now it's too late to turn back.


The more I tell myself to forget you, the more I can't.

To you.

Hope you read this. Even if you don't, i just want to get it off my mind. i think something has changed and i know its my fault for not trying hard enough. I know the effort you have put in...so i guess you are not to blame. been trying to forget about you for the past few months but it was unsuccessful. and no matter hard hard i try, ok maybe it wasn't enough, but all the awkwardness and stupid things i have done just come back up and i will feel awkward and avoid. i know its wrong to do that...but i can't help it. and there is so little time left... something has changed... our friendship is not the same anymore...and i feel so useless because i know i just need to be normal but even that i can't do... and all i can say is I am sorry.

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1 more day. can't afford to waste anymore time thinking about other stuff. please mind, stay focused and not let me be distracted.

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cried 3 times today. what next?
if i could hold it in before and not tell anyone, i can do it again.

time passes quickly.

going to miss my clan...alot. It hurts so bad:(

goodbyes make you think.
they make you realize what you've had and what you've taken for granted.

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why the f*** am i crying now, just right before os? arrghhhh! CONCENTRATE.

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Why does it hurt so much when I am with you? When I am not with you, it hurts too. And everything is coming to an end. Don't know whether it's good or bad... When you ask if I am okay, I will reply yes but I don't think you know that I am not. Someone said I would emerge as someone stronger after this. I hope I do.

3 days before os and I am thinking of this. What am I doing?
Don't want to ever let go.
Even if I were hurting badly inside, and you knew, I couldn't tell you why.

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When I think of leaving, it hurts so bad I just want to curl up and die. But leaving you will help me forget.


Things will get better in time.

Is it goodbye?

Time flies by me and I desperately grab at it. It slips out of my fingers, leaving me grasping at nothing.

Suddenly breathing seems so hard to do.

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My head hurts. Ouch.











I can't seem to let you go, no matter what I do.
Gonna stop trying, it's pointless anyway.

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Have been feeling giddy and feel like puking since this morning. Just ate one panadol and going to sleep after lunch. Then wake up and study.


Why am I feeling like this?
Heck with all my feelings.
I hope what you said was not referring to me.

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Must be the stress from everything... Just had a meltdown infront of my mum... Screamed at her for no reason... My throat hurts... Had a breakdown in my room and just started crying... Someone help me... Free me fro
the pain I am feeling...

Picture Perfect memories

This post is dedicated to my clannies(Ariel, Thea, Cel, Ning, Anne, Ruth) :D wanna thank you guys for all the crazy, laughing-till-my-stomach-hurts-and-rolling-on-the-floor moments. Also thank you for all the moments where we will eat a huge amount of food together:) all the food that we have consumed could have fed so many families in Africa! Haha:) and also thank you for all the everyday,simple memories where we are together:) although our time left together is short, I will always treasure all the memories we had created:D LOVE YOU ALL!

Today just ended.

Today was my last official day with 4CO. Took lots of pictures to capture every last moment. Last time in class, last time being together as a class. Click. Click. The camera shutter clicked away, capturing every precious moment. Laughter, joy, tears, sadness all appeared in this class. I never did think this day would come so fast, perhaps it was in my subconscious, but I guess I was just living in denial. How did the time slip through my fingers so quickly? I know I will have to let go one day, but let me cling on to the memories for now.

Tonight

Was an emotionally draining night. First, someone asked me why I have been so emo for the past few weeks. She kept on probing till I broke down and told her. She was the only one who could unlock the part of me that I was trying so hard not to remember. I held on tight, willing myself not to give in but I couldn't take it and I broke down infront of her. Next, someone else said really really hurtful words to me and I just broke down again. Tried to block out her voice but it didn't work again. I must be pretty useless right, for you to say all that to me. Cried so many tears tonight until I can't cry anymore. I am so exhausted.

It hurts.

Tried to forget but the feeling comes and goes. Couldn't say I was trying my very best, but i knew I did at least try. Now, all this trying has got me no where except that our friendship wasnt the way it used be. I really regret ever feeling like that. My Mum says I am not focusing on my studies and I know that. Tried to block everything out. But it didn't work. How I wish I could turn back time and go back to the times where I knew how to smile genuinely.

Walking in the rain

It was raining as I walked to the bus stop after math remedial today. The rain splattered on my face as I thought of how we were. I did not know why this affected so much. Or maybe I knew. People asked me whether I was okay, I said yes. Only one person knew how I really felt. Didn't know how she knew, but she did. Maybe my feelings were of disappointment towards you. Or to myself. I vowed never to be like that again, but I couldn't stop myself. I had disappointed so many people this week. The feeling came and went. It always happened. And when it came, I felt really really disgusted with myself. Knew it was wrong yet I couldn't help it.

I only have a few words to say to you: I am really sorry.

The rain mixed with my tears as I walked on.